lauantai 28. maaliskuuta 2015

More about feelings

Last post was indeed intense, I didnt read it before publishing. I am still learning learning more about me. :)
Now I find myself in..interesting, hard place...goes along with feelings. I´m gonna make some choices, decisions. Not too easy but I think, that I have to make it.

People in my life. Some has gone though, some are here to stay. But... there´s some things, that I have to think. MY feelings....

First and hardest....my sister. Since our dad died (we have different mother)... wow, that distribution of inheritance was ugly. That was too ugly. I stood up for myself, after 20years for taking shit... and I had to hire a lawyer. I wasnt that doormat any more. After that....all gone with my sis. Nothing....I see her face in FB sometimes, and every time I fall in tears. Every time it´s like a knife in my heart.
I tried to stay in contact, but that didnt lead nowhere...so...now...I´m thinking me. I dont have to be the one, that still hopes...I have to let that go. This is real hard decision.....but I have to think me now. I have to set me free from that pain. I just have to...sis or not.

Kuvahaun tulos haulle quotes about letting go of someone who doesn't appreciate you



So true. And....that goes for some other people, too. I have been thinking, why they want to be around me....answer was sad: wanting something.Trying to control my life, wanting to put me down. Not believing me. And that´s not what I want. Maybe this is me waking up?

It´s like cleaning my life in better for me, making room for new things. Even thought this is making me a  bit sad now...at the same time...free and relieved.

When I was younger, I was doormat. I just could´nt say: no. My mam was quite worried about that....how I will stand up for myself, when she´s past away? (she passed away in quite  young age, cancer) She kind of new, that I´m gonna be alone after that.... but now, I can and I will say no. :) I learned that, in hard way. Makes my life so much easier...it does.

Kuvahaun tulos haulle quotes about learning to say noKuvahaun tulos haulle quotes about learning to say no




So, today´s thoughts....off to the gym now!

with huge love
Maarit