Right here I will show my foolishness...please, forgive my my limited way of thinking, working on it....
So, she is now wearing scarf ec. Living the life of Muslim. And... it is different than this life, what I have. But hey, why is it, that I have that freedom to choose, what I want and it´s so different to her? No it isnt. If she´s happy now, that´s all that matters. I was worried in such a stupid things: her freedom, how is her life as a woman...all that. Why? Because...... I´m not proud of this... media. From there I got a very different picture..... you know what I mean?
Trust me, this is not my greatest moment... I feel so stupid. I actually had decided my point of view before I even knew the facts about her life......
So, she´s happy. And I´m happy. Two people, same world, same air... and also, same friend.
Ok, wow.... feels better already. I have been taken too much stress from others lately. I realized this yesterday, while we were in stores with family. I felt that small panic-feeling coming...actually I have felt it two weeks now. Why I didnt know. Yesterday, I felt kind of sad and wanted to cry. Also, in store, I felt like I dont have enough air.... Oh, I just hate that feeling! I do, it took me right back to that time, when I had bad panic disorder.
So, I started to think... and today I spoke with my man, about this friend of mine. As I said all things, that were on my mind... I saw it: I was worrying so much. Unconsciously. And, as I was drinking coffee in this small gas station near home....I saw trucks...I noticed that I do miss my dad still.
So, I have covered up my feelings in a thought: I have to be strong. I dont feel missing. Oh well, yes I do! 4years ago...I had my dad. Gosh, how I miss him now. I miss him so much...I just wanted to call to him yesterday.... Dad´s little girl.... oh boy..... I miss him. A lot.
Ok, now I have said that, too.... I love thins part of being human: growing! Learning! Opening my mind to other ways to live and think. Opening to me......
So it goes, what we choose is the doors we open. What comes to those doors is..yes, our choice. Sometimes those goes wrong, sometimes right. It´s "just" life.... Living and learning.
Outside is sooo hot today, think that I have to go to swim and then just..oh, one workout..and then relax. I have (TG) easy week from training. That too, has made me so tired lately, it is such a hard work. This week´s slow motion is more than in need!