lauantai 25. lokakuuta 2014

gonna scream it

I DO MATTER! MY feelings matters...my tears matters, my happiness matters. I scream that to me, and gonna make myself believe it, too.

I just came from walk, and I have to say... the most emotional walk that I ever have. Last..oh well...12hours..no..year...well, timeless time has been such a wakening to me. But I understood it about 12 hours ago.
I have, truly, punished myself. Being sorry about my feelings. Maybe even shamed... I have been scared. Scared to face....me. Who I am, what I want...am I good enough? What does someone say, if I dont be like others...If I truly am talented writer and want to write? Why is it shame....?

Why is it shame, that I feel? It is´nt. No, it is not.

During that walk, I faced me. And all that I can be. Not all those negative things, that I´m use to look...more of those positive things. More..real me.
I cried my heart off, I listened me..music..I was thinking..I was with me. And I did hug a tree, to just say...I´m ok.

There´s no such thing that to be taken for granted. Not life, not people..not me. And I know that now...question is: what am I gonna do with that awareness....
I need to pick me up. I need to be able to look at the mirror and look at myself: I´m happy! That´s what I want.

Life just cant be: me me me, you you you...sometimes it needs to be we.
To be able to understand is a gift. To be able to listen, is also a gift. To be able to talk... is huge gift, too. All those together is perfection that leads to feel another human being.

That´s a great way to live...

Did I make any sense at all? Hope so, cause in my mind...it does.



with love
Maarit