courage

Smooth roads never make good drivers. Clear sky never make good pilots. Problem free life never makes strong person. So don't ask "why me" say "try me"!

 I use to see my world like this.. when i had panic. All in the fog, no courage to tahe that first step.




 I just have to tell you, that taking that first step to my life again, was not easy, but worth it.

And life is full of those steps. Somethimes we see those stairs, sometimes we dont know, what´s holding us back.

And we start to thing like inside of box, but we should think more like outside of box... You know what i mean?? Only heaven is the limit! Really. And that´s a new start also, so there´s no limits.

That kind of thinking and seeing was so tiring... so depressing.

here i go again

That´s it. I could´nt be away longer, this is so addictive in a good way! :)

I decided to just write, couse that´s me. Writer. And this passion for writing has helped me so often to clear my mind.

I noticed, that i have hold back my writings lately. Not becouse i was meaning to do so, but i really didnt know what tIo write, couse i didnt know what i was feeling or thinking. And that was me not being honest to myself.

So, now i´m gonna just write. Not think, just letting it all out. That´s me. ;)

As  told, there was this ugky thing that came to end, and i´m happy about that. I could say that this is all about that. But its not.

There´s so much more inside of me, that i dont recognize. There´s fire. Yes, there was before too, but now.. is more! Flame is bigger. And becouse i didnt have courage to face it, i sort of tryed to suffocate it. But then that fire is burning me, from inside.

I have more mental strength also. I just realized that. I have to confess: i am strong.

Somehow i let part of my past to mix here and now, and i ler myself to belive that i´m not so strong.
I was wrong. And it feels good to noticed that i was wrong!
Admitting that you are wrong, theres a great way to grow! And see, that even you have gone thru so much, theres  still so much to learn!!! And that is the fuel, that keeps me running.

My mind is full of curiosity. My soul is full of fire. I´m ready for today, tomorrow, for rest of my life!
I trust life to show me the way. I know, that there´s gonna be setback. I´m gonna make wrong choices. But it´s life. And i´m so happy, that i dont need to be perfect, i can be just me. That is so big relief!

By being me, im stronger. My path is not clear, not ready. And that´s good! I know, that writing my book is one stage, but it´s not all that i have in this life. I just have to follow my heart and look what else there´s gonna be!!

So, i´m back :))))



Have a awesome day all
Maarit

resting

Hi all,

I´m  sorry, that i have been so guiet. So much has happend and i have been soooo tired. I havent had even any power to read others blogs :// but i will soon!!

I take a short brake, and load my batterys again, then i will tell you all about this thing..things.

I will come back after 2 days, couse i know that i just cant be away longer ;))


Hope you all have a great time and be good to yourselfs!!!

All the best, Maarit

no stress

I´m sorry for not writing so much lately!!!! It has been so weard time for me.. i did´nt know how to feel, or what to do...

You see, i had this terrible stress almost 2 years. Every day, less or more. I tryed not to think about it, but now, after its done.. woh!!! Yesterday i was so tired! Like someone or something had sucked all my powers away..it was so weard feeling!

Today... i woke up and something was missing. Something, that i had grew already. I saw colors. I smelled different aromas.

Of course i did that also before, but now i saw everything even more clearly!! And i do so right now also! It´s like some veil has taken away...

It feels like there´s an empty place inside of me. But it´s still warm. I´m smiling, all the time.

That black, ugly thing is gone forever! I received official papers today, i cryed. For happyness. For relief.

Yesterday i spoiled myself, a lot. I bought new feather pillow, went a long shower with some new cosmetics, that i bought... then sleep. I was so relaxed!!!!

Today.. i have wondered around..
Without stress. Finally...



My new tree :)))

Have a awesome day all
Maarit

B-day :)

It is, i´m 41years now!! And i have to say, after all i have gone true... I´m Happy! :))

10-15 years ago i thought, that i dont see this day. TG i was wrong. When you have seen the bottom of life, it´s easyer to concentrate those positive things.

And not small, or bigger things rock this boat easily.

Live to win, 'till you die, 'till the light dies in your eyes

Live to win, take it all, just keep fighting till you fall

Obsessive, compulsive, suffocate your mind

Confusion, delusions, kill your dreams in time

You ask me how I took the pain

Crawled up from my lowest low

Step by step and day by day

'Till there's one last breath to go

- Paul Stanley, his song: live to win-

 I bought one tree in front yard, to symbolize few thngs: that thing, what i told you yesterday, is done. My B-day and for my dad.








And i tryed to load pic of that tree, but there´s something wrong in that app, so later.. ;)) As you know, i love to post photos!!!!
                                                  
Here´s some cake for all of you :))....ok, i have to make mine still ;DD But i want to do like that, looks great!!!




And after all have said and done, it´s the inner that counts.....About everything :)









Have a great day all
Maarit

ps. I´m GONNA put some photos later :DDD
Now it´s cake-time!!!!!!

Its over, finally!

After my dad passed away(2years ago), game this stupid, insane and not worth it- fight about Will, money and power, i guess.
There's lot of history that made that even uglier and being tired of sorrow of losing dad, I hired a lawer.
That was the best thing i have done. Couse after long road this came to end. Today. Finally.
I lost my sis during this issue, sadly. I hope that someday we Will contact again someway, somehow.

But now its time to put this all behind once And for all!

I cant tell you, how relieved I am! I cryed 1h for happyness, when my lawer called to me and said that.

Now I'm sitting in my terrace and drinking coffee. Sun is going down and wind is guietly moving leafs in trees,
My 2 dogs are with me, all is good.

Hope you have a great day all
Maarit

Good night from Finland

Today we took a long ride with this cool bike. I love that feeling, When i Sit on bike, Start it..that Sound of powerful engine! Give it Some gas,.. and there we go!
Wind, smells, speed.. That is such a feeling that i Cant describe! Now I feel so relaxt and Sort of wild? yes, that's how i feel with bike.

I have few issues to sort tomorrow, and I hope that i have strenght to deal those things..

I Will tell you tomorrow more, now is not right time.
That's tomorrows problem.

I wish you all good night
Maarit